How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize