Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
