I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
