you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
