I heard we made out
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
