Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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