You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
