No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
