I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
