it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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