when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
