were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
