i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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