What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
