No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
