I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
