found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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