I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
