My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
