yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
