you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
