another moral hangover. fuck.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
