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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
