Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
