She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
