Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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