Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
