This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
