Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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