Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
