I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
