so that wasnt chicken after all
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
