Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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