i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
