her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize