I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize