Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
