woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am mentally ready for anal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
