If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
