i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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