highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
