Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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