I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
