Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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