you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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