I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize