dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
