I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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