youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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