Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We talked him into tasing himself.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
