someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
