I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
