I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
