at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
