Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
