I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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