This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
