Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
