we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
