champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
