I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
