why didn't you poke me back
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
