This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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