I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
