Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
