I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
