No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
