I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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