DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize