Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
