his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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