Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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