god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
